The point of this blog is to document every phase of my recovery no matter how brutally honest I may have to be. I have hit a very low point. All the jokes and smiles I may make through out the day are only masking what I really feel. I am so upset and disappointed. I am stuck in this house. I can't even take a car ride because the bumps in the road still cause me great pain. I have to take a leave of absence from school meaning I will not get to graduate with my new besties (I will talk more about this in a few moments). I might not ever be able to walk without a limp. I fear I wont be able to make it through physiotherapy because I am such a wuss when it comes to pain. I don't think I'll be able to push myself through all this without giving up. I hate having to rely on anyone for everything. I'm sad all the time. It takes everything I have not to cry (I do cry at least once a day, just not when Matt's around). I have disappointed my family. I hate being a failure.

In regards to school, I did ask if there was a way I'd be able to walk with my friends, and they said they might be able to let me walk in an earlier graduation based on my current merits. However, I wouldn't be able to get my honors cords. What to do? Walk with my friends without being able to flaunt my cords that signify all my hard work and my monster of a brain? Orrrr, walk with a class that I just met and have no connection to with my cords? Perhaps not even walk at all? I mean, its not like this is my first graduation. I guess I have a while to think about it.

I looked up my "pain" medication. It's 500mg of acetaphetamine, your every day tylenol, mixed with a measly 5mg of vicodin. Whoopdido. I had my ankle cut into, bones removed, bones screwed together, I think this deserves something a little stronger than something that treats a headache. No wonder its not cutting it. Ugh.

I did, however, watch two great movies this week. 'The other guys' and 'Easy A'. Both are fantastic and recommend them. Tonight we are watching Inception. I hope I understand it. And with that said, goodnight to you all.

ღ mmv