A long overdue post

Wow, it sure has been a while, eh? Sorry about that. And it's not even like I'm doing something way more important, either. After a suggestion from my dad, I decided to make this one long post in chronological order instead of going back and post dating entries. So, here it goes!

The following Saturdays in January: 1st, 8th, and 15th:
Mathew, my husband, decided to take a few Saturdays for himself and go out with his friends. This caused a lot of tension between us as I felt he should be here for me seeing as during those weeks I really wasn't used to the walker and couldn't do much by myself. However, he had a different view. Why should he have to sit here with me just because I had to? We both thought the other person was being selfish. It seemed everyday we were fighting and the stress levels for both of us were REALLY high. There definitely wasn't any walking on egg shells to avoid arguing. Everything would cause a fight. A look in the wrong direction, a simple favor, etc. It's not exactly what I needed or wanted. After all, our vows did say "in sickness AND in health" as well as "for better or worse." This just so happens to be the sickness and worse those vows were talking about. So where was my husband? To this day I still feel he should have been here more, but I do understand where he was coming from. Besides, before all of this, he never hung out with his friends. Guy time is important, I suppose.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011:
My sister, Erica, texted me on Monday asking if I wanted to go over to my parents house for dinner. Really, I thought? Leave the house and not for a doctors appointment? I jumped (not really) at the opportunity to do so. She said she would swing by after work on Tuesday around 5p.m. and take me over to their house. As promised she arrived at 5p.m. and got me loaded in the car. Car rides are much easier and less painful for me now! My dad was coming home around 6ish, and dinner was 30 minutes later. Erica made us taco salad and refried beans. We hung out for a while after dinner and played Jeopardy. I can't really remember who won because they play with some really weird rules. Guessing the answer of the final question BEFORE even seeing it? Unheard of! So, we'll just say it ended in a 4 way tie. It was getting late and I wanted to get home before Matt went to bed so he would be able to help me up the huge step leading to the front door. It was really nice being able to get out of the house! Ahh....I looked forward to more outings.

Thursday, January 20, 2011:
My grandma brought over a wheelchair that she got from a friend of hers. Yes! A wheelchair! I will be able to get out of the house and go for extended periods of time without getting easily tired because of my walker! Super exciting! Watch out, I'll be hell on wheels! Ahh, things are starting to look up!

Saturday, January 22, 2011:
My father-in-law was in town and came over to hang out and take us to lunch at Steak 'n Shake. I didn't bother taking the wheelchair because I would just be walking from the car to the restaurant and then back to the car. Easy enough. Lunch was over and it was back to the casa we went. After another hour or so he left. Matt had to go grocery shopping and I wanted to get out of the house. After what seemed like forever (it was actually only like 20 minutes) I convinced Matt to take me with him. We went for a drive on the beach. I had my head out the window like I was a puppy dog! I was so happy to be out of the house and to be hanging out with my husband. It had been a while. Like I said before, he had been hanging out with his friends on the weekend leaving me home by myself. What a change. He realized it was okay to let me out of the house, and by then it had been 4 weeks post so it was easier for me to get around and I wasn't in as much pain anymore. After the drive on the beach we arrived at Publix. He got the chair out of the trunk and helped me get out of the car and pivot into it. The minute I sat down the right arm rest popped off! This chair, I have to tell you, is quite old. Both breaks are broken, there is rust of the frame, cobwebs in the wheels, and now, it's missing an arm rest. But hey, I was out of the house and I'm not going to complain about the looks and age of the chair. It works and I'm happy to be able to borrow it. Grocery shopping was completed and our evening was spent watching a movie. It was really, really, REALLY nice to be hanging out with the hubby again. My weeks are spent by myself that it's nice to have something to look forward to.

Saturday, January 29, 2011:
We went to Tampa to visit Grandma Varisco, use her Sam's Club card to get some stuff, and have lunch with her. We went to Sam's Club. For this outing I used the wheelchair. I was in the chair for quite some time but at this point in time I wasn't hurting. Back to the house for lunch. We picked up a Rotisserie chicken from Sam's and made yellow rice to accompany it. It was really good. I had been CRAVING rotisserie chicken for a longgg time. By the time we got home, my foot was purple and swollen and hurt fairly bad. Too much too soon, I suppose. The rest of the day I spent with my foot elevated and only got up when I had to.

Today, January 31, 2011:
My steri-strips finally fell off on Tuesday, January 25th. The scar looks like it wont be too bad, but I will want to find a decent working scar removal cream so I wont have to be reminded of this horrible event in my life every time I look down at my foot. I would actually like to pretend it never happened at all.

Last Tuesdays appointment was cancelled because my doctor had surgery. Not sure what for, only know my appointment was moved to tomorrow. I am absolutely not looking forward to it. I am still not able to get my foot bend enough to put it in the boot. There is a bone not allowing my foot to bend. I am scared Dr. R might say I need to have additional surgery to shave the bone down or to adjust the placement of the hardware. If it is one of those options I hope it just needs shaved down. The only recovery I'll have to do with that option is to allow the new incision to heal. It shouldn't add on to my existing recovery time. Tomorrow will be 5 weeks post op and by this time I should be able to bend it and hear that I am able to put weight on it. However, it doesn't look like that's going to happen. :( I don't know, I could just be over reacting. Either way, I'm still not looking forward to the appointment.

Matt should be getting home in 30 minutes. We picked up this Raspberry Chipolte marinade from Sam's and I am eager to try it out.

I will post more often, I promise.

ღ mmv

Ahh, so that's what a full nights sleep feels like - I almost forgot! I feel super refreshed and I am in much better mood today.

I worked on my newly assigned foot exercise this morning and will have to do it again this evening sometime. I have to start flexing it. The better I get at this, the better my foot will heal and aid when I start doing PT. I did pretty good this morning. I would pull my foot back using an exercise band (It's the only Christmas present I am able to use so far....) and hold it there for a minute. I would then slowly let my foot down and then repeat the process. I did this for 20 minutes. My foot started to swell so I had to stop. I was expecting this to hurt quite a bit seeing as it hasn't had the opportunity to move. To my surprise it didn't! After I did it with help I tried to do it on my own. I can move my foot back but not nearly as far as it needs to get. Practice, practice, practice!

It's amazing how quick atrophy sets in. It's only been 2½ weeks and I've already lost 1⅓ inches in diameter from my right calf muscle! I'm hoping these foot pumps (Forget your fist pumps, Jersey! Down here we do the foot pump!) I'm supposed to be doing help my calf from diminishing any more than it already has.

ღ mmv

I'm having somewhat of a "great" day! And I'm not even being sarcastic! I was visited by my Aunt Sherry, an RN, earlier this morning. She brought me some medical supplies such as an ace wrap (for some reason Matt threw ours out a few months back because nobody was using it... I guess he doesn't get the concept of a medicine cabinet?!) some 4 x 4's and something to take the pressure off of my foot while in the boot or while it's elevated. I showed her the problems I was having getting into the boot and asked her opinion. She said it's simply not ready to be put on. We ace wrapped it using a figure 8 and I bent my foot up as far as I could. After I realized (well, after Sherry made me realize..) I have to stop thinking in the mindset of a patient and think like a nurse I was able to remain calm about the situation.

I absolutely LOVE my new bath chair!! I was able to get into the shower COMPLETELY allowing me to wash everything. See, before I received the chair, I would have to wash my legs and feet with a baby wipe. I don't think this got me too clean and left me feeling a bit miserable. But today I was able to get in, wash, AND shave my right leg (the best I could, anyway)!!

It is now 2pm and I'm feeling fine. I didn't necessarily like the pills Dr. Rod gave me to help me sleep. I still twitched (which these were supposed to end) and didn't get much sleep. I did sleep for four straight hours instead of an hour here and there, though.

Gizmo has taken to a new spot in the house. He has to be right next to my foot at all times. He wont allow anyone near me as he thinks they are going to hurt me. This is cute, but can get quite annoying.

My foot is swelling up quite a bit so I think it has seen enough excitement for today. I better go elevate it.

ღ mmv

Oww, oww, owwwwwwwwwwwwww! I had my stitches removed today, a few hours ago to be exact. I had asked around as to whether or not having sutures removed hurt - the reviews were mixed. I can see where both parties were coming from. A few sutures had to be dug out due to the skin growing around them and in this situation it hurt. Badly. For the other sutures it was a weird sensation, mostly uncomfortable. However, I'm not going to lie - I held my breath, closed by eyes, and held on to my grandma's hand really tightly for both the stuck and unstuck sutures. They steri-stripped the incision site to protect it and make sure it's still held together nicely. The doctor said I don't need to wear splint full time from now on, just when I sleep and I feel my foot start rolling inward. I'm also able to start getting it wet and washing the area. Oh! And most importantly, I'd be able to shave that leg! The MA came in and said they were going to hold off on the boot and put the splint back on. I didn't like this idea, because quite frankly, its a pain in the butt (and rather painful) to unwrap and rewrap a splint with the amount of gauze they have to use to secure it properly to my ankle. And now that I only have to wear it to sleep and such, this would be a time consuming process. I asked Dr. Rod if I could just get the boot now instead of in two weeks (my next appointment) and he said it wouldn't be a problem. The MA fetched the boot and instructed me on how to put it on. This procedure hurt entirely waaaaaaaay too much. My foot has been stuck in the same position for two weeks and any movement hurts it, much less the bending it to a 90 degree angle. My heel kept popping out the back so she would have to start over. This was repeated 3 times before she said that its as good as its going to get. We left the doctors and went to Walgreens to pick up a Rx for some pills that will help me sleep. Yay for that! Meanwhile, I tried adjusting my boot 2 times trying to get it perfect. With no avail, I gave up.

I am now home and just got off the phone with my Aunt Sherry, a RN, and asked her how imperitive it is to have the bars on my boot parallel like the MA was pushing for. The response was what I thought it was, if its not working, don't worry about it - its not even weight bearing, its no big deal. She also said I could simply just wrap it with an ace bandage in a figure 8 and get the same effect, but more comfortably. With that being said, I am leaving my boot on to get used to the position, but tomorrow I will be taking it off until bed time. I also received my new set of exercises. This will make my foot stronger and will make getting in and out of the boot much easier.

I saw my parents on Sunday. It was really nice to see them! They brought me some homemade spaghetti sauce and some fabric scraps so I can do something crafty. My grandma brought me some word searches (why are those things so dang addictive?!) to work on. So, I have lots of things to occupy my days with. Matt's vacation ended yesterday so it was back to the grind for him today.

I'm not feeling quite well and will now find my way to the couch. Matt should be home soon :)

ღ mmv

I....need.....sleeeeeeeeeeeep!

Another sleepless night. I don't know why this is, but during the day I'm pretty comfortable but the minute I get ready for bed and lay down, WHAM, I enter uncomfortable land! In total, I believe I got 1.5 hours last night. Nice, right? As soon as I fall asleep, not a minute more, my foot does this twitching thing. It forces my foot off the pillow and slams it back down onto the pillow. Recently, a new twitch developed. It now twitches my foot left or right. This is very painful as my foot still is unable to go that direction. Then I'm up for a while, in tears and pain, until I can go "back to sleep." Rinse, repeat. When I wasn't twitching, I wasn't breathing, (hey, thanks sleep apnea!) so Matt would have to nudge me awake (I guess he isn't sleeping too much lately, either. This will most likely lead to nothing good). I still have to sleep with my foot elevated above my heart, thus, making me sleep on my back. I am a side sleeper and cannot sleep comfortably on my back. So not only am I going stir crazy from being a prisoner in my own home, I'm also getting delirious from lack of sleep. Wait a minute, this is like that movie... you know the one... The Shining! "Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Megan!"

I've developed a new habit. I take off the splint and dressing and re-wrap it constantly throughout the day. I did this 19 times last night from 12am-5am. I do this in hopes of landing a position that is at least tollerable. It hasn't felt secure or comfortable since Tuesday, before my appointment. The MA that re-wrapped it after it was taken off didn't do it right. She didn't use enough padding around the ankle area, which, duh, that's where the injury is, and well, duh, that's where the most padding should be! That and the split is a little too big, so more padding was necessary than usual to fill the larger areas, which she declined to do. In attempts to fix it properly, I sent Matt to the store to buy more gauze like they used so they wouldn't know I was fiddling with it, however, the type they used was uber expensive so I told him nevermind.

I'm not allowing myself to take a nap today. I need to be fatigued for tonight. Maybe that will give me the sleep I need. Here's to hoping, anyway.

ღ mmv

The point of this blog is to document every phase of my recovery no matter how brutally honest I may have to be. I have hit a very low point. All the jokes and smiles I may make through out the day are only masking what I really feel. I am so upset and disappointed. I am stuck in this house. I can't even take a car ride because the bumps in the road still cause me great pain. I have to take a leave of absence from school meaning I will not get to graduate with my new besties (I will talk more about this in a few moments). I might not ever be able to walk without a limp. I fear I wont be able to make it through physiotherapy because I am such a wuss when it comes to pain. I don't think I'll be able to push myself through all this without giving up. I hate having to rely on anyone for everything. I'm sad all the time. It takes everything I have not to cry (I do cry at least once a day, just not when Matt's around). I have disappointed my family. I hate being a failure.

In regards to school, I did ask if there was a way I'd be able to walk with my friends, and they said they might be able to let me walk in an earlier graduation based on my current merits. However, I wouldn't be able to get my honors cords. What to do? Walk with my friends without being able to flaunt my cords that signify all my hard work and my monster of a brain? Orrrr, walk with a class that I just met and have no connection to with my cords? Perhaps not even walk at all? I mean, its not like this is my first graduation. I guess I have a while to think about it.

I looked up my "pain" medication. It's 500mg of acetaphetamine, your every day tylenol, mixed with a measly 5mg of vicodin. Whoopdido. I had my ankle cut into, bones removed, bones screwed together, I think this deserves something a little stronger than something that treats a headache. No wonder its not cutting it. Ugh.

I did, however, watch two great movies this week. 'The other guys' and 'Easy A'. Both are fantastic and recommend them. Tonight we are watching Inception. I hope I understand it. And with that said, goodnight to you all.

ღ mmv

Today was my first post op visit...

My day started off with much frustration. Everything seemed to be hindering my movement to and fro. I did, though, get to shave my left leg and upper right leg thanks to the new electric shaver Matt got for me this morning! Oh, and I washed my hair and took a "shower"! I concur, good news, indeed! My frustration and temper tantrums made me realize what those who are permanently injured/paralyzed have to go through every day of their lives. I feel blessed mine is only temporary (a very long temporary..).

My first post op visit was this afternoon at 2pm. I was debating for a while about whether or not I should take a pain pill (or two...) before my appointment in case they wanted to do anything that I might consider painful. You see, I would have to say I have absolutely no pain tolerance at all. Most everything hurts me, even paper cuts. Matt told me they probably wouldn't do anything today that would be painful. He said the x-rays would be taken through the cast so they wouldn't have to remove the split (I guess this is the common practice at his clinic). I told that he better be right. Without popping any pain medicine we were out the door. We arrived and checked in. The wait wasn't too bad, I was impressed! We were called back in to the room and the nurse took off the dressing and splint. !!!! I shot Matt this 'I hate you' look for steering me wrong. It hurt when she had to pull the dressing from the sutures. Can I just tell you that what was under it all wasn't too pretty? I do have to admit, Dr. Rod did a fabulous job with the surgery AND with keeping my most favorite tattoo (the koi) together nicely. The fish itself came out unscathed, however, the same can't be said for the splash of water beneath.



After the dressing came off it was time for x-rays. Oh my gosh, I think these hurt worse than the first round of x-rays at the ER the night of the incident! It's really hard to move your ankle when there is a plate, 8 screws, and 2 j-pins holding your foot from moving. I literally screamed out loud! I would have been embarrassed but the pain was just too much and I really didn't give a sh...crap. Dr. Rod examined the x-rays and the surgery site and said there was no sign of infection. The swelling is still so great that we were unable to get the sutures removed today but we made an appointment for next week (Tuesday, Jan. 11 @ 3:10pm) to do so. I've decided that from now on, I am most definitely taking pain medication before my appointments, no matter what.


I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings.................I just hope I get some sleep!

ღ mmv

My world changed on Sunday, December 26, at approximately 6pm. I missed a couple of steps and down I went. I knew immediately something was really wrong. The pain was really intense. My right foot looked seriously deformed. I could also feel the "crunching" of my bones as I tried to move. It looked as if it was (painfully) floating in midair- absolutely useless. My husband, Mathew, rushed me to Bayfront's emergency room. I don't remember much of the wait, but I don't remember being in a lot of pain. I think by that time shock took over and I was pretty much out of it. I was wheeled to the back and waited for a doctor to come take a look at my foot. His eyes got big and the look on his face wasn't reassuring. He immediately sent me to get x-rays taken. The x-rays were horribly painful. I had to turn my body and move my ankle in directions that were extremely torturing. I think a total of 9 or so were taken. After what seemed like forever the doctor arrived with devastating news. I had a trimalleolar fracture with dislocation. This required ORIF (open reduction-internal fixation) surgery requiring the use of pins, rods, plates, and screws. They put me to sleep so they could reset my ankle. I'm quite lucky they did this because after reading some information on this type of fracture and the horror stories from others a lot of people were awake for the resetting. They splinted my ankle all the way to my knee and sent me on my way with pain killers (haha, yeah, right) and a pair of crutches. Unfortunately, without insurance (oh, which kicked in on the 1st of January...) they were unable to admit me. I was told to call All Florida Orthopedics and speak with Dr. Rodriquez and schedule surgery. My rules were simple- keep my ankle elevated and NPO (nothing by mouth) after midnight.

I called Dr. Rodriquez first thing in the morning. I didn't get any sleep that night and those pain killers I mentioned receiving at the hospital did absolutely nothing! Unfortunately for me, Dr. Rod was in trauma surgery all day (Monday) and it was unlikely he'd be able to get me in for surgery on Tuesday, however, he wanted me to come in at 9:15am for a consultation. So, there I laid in bed practically all day, only getting up to use the restroom. The jostling of my ankle with every hop I took was agonizing. I decided to do the whole NPO thing again in hope that he would be able to preform the surgery the next day. This was unlikely but well worth the risk. My appointment finally rolled around. The car ride was awful. I felt every bump, pothole, swerve, lane change, and not to mention the stop lights. I cried the whole ride there. The wait was hardly 10 minutes before my name was called. The doctor showed us the x-rays and discussed his plan of action. I started with the waterworks, which apparently did some good. He was able to fit me in that day! What a lonnnnnnnng day it was, though. With nothing to eat or drink since around 5pm on Monday, and with the surgery not until 5:30pm that Tuesday (December 28), my stomach hated me.

We arrived at the hospital at 3:15pm for pre-op paperwork. I was moved upstairs and answered about a million medical questions, ie, history, family history, any past problems with anesthesia, etc. I had to repeat the same things over and over to different staff members. It was now time for my operation and away I went. I remember waking up in the recovery section and them telling me this simple out patient procedure turned into a 23 hour overnight observation. WHAT!? I would have to stay overnight, are they kidding me? Mathew had a wonderful surprise for me. He went to the giftshop and got me a HUGE frog which kept me company all night.

The stay was horrible. I couldn't sleep and when I did fall asleep it was time for the hourly vitals check. That and this man kept yelling for the nurse exclaiming he was dying. Use the call button, jerk. The next morning rolled around which felt like forever. The morning nurse unplugged all my equipment and told me to start getting ready to leave. Wait, what? It wasn't even close to the end of the 23 hour observation period. It was only 7:30 in the morning. I called Matt and told him the news. Before I knew it, it was time to go. Upon discharge I received my PT exercises I had to do at home. I also had to pass a "crutch test." Well, I failed. I'm a complete klutz as it is, using crutches is almost impossible for me. I had to get a walker.

It is now 6 days post-op and it hasn't been the most pleasant journey thus far. It's slowly getting better. Everyday I move a little faster. Tomorrow is my first post-op visit with Dr. Rod. I will let you know how it goes. Thanks for reading :)

ღ mmv